Mechromancer and Friends
by Z-Day
Summary: Welcome to Pandora Gaige. After having to go on the lamb, Gaige heads to Pandora. She meets a man named Blair and together they take on a quest that meets a certain little girl and gets them onto a path that they never see coming. Rated T for violence, language, and because that's just what I prefer to rate things. In a semi AU because I started typing this before I played the game
1. Chapter 1 Mechromancer and New Friend

Borderlands

Mechromancer Ahoy!

Chapter 1

New in Town

"Maybe here my talents will actually be appreciated and I won't go to jail for being brilliant. Third place. I mean, seriously! Bastards." Gaige finished signing off on her ECHO cast.

The high school fugitive sat back in the interplanetary transport and adjusted the bracers holding her hair in pigtails. She felt out of place with the rough looking few around her. They either gave her looks or just ignored her period.

"I once did a similar thing to a classmate of mine. Did it years after high school but it was similar to you: he was a bully."

Gaige looked up to see who was talking. She noticed a raven-haired man who looked to be twenty-two or twenty-three years old and whose hair went down to the back of his neck and was cut into un-neat bangs.

"He thought I wouldn't hold that grudge but oh boy did he look surprised after I shocked him to death with his own computer. I got into a meeting with him at the company, used my faithful Hacker-Jacker machine on my wrist here, and fried his ass like a bucket of chicken."

Gaige didn't do anything but smile slightly as the man then said, "Mine name is Blair Mackenzi: Hacker and Medic Extraordinaire. Wanted for murder, hacking multiple government systems, desertion, and blackmail. Nice to meet you."

"Ah shut the hell up!" a passenger shouted. "I'm trying to sleep!"

"How rude. Trying to have a conversation, hacker slash medical genius to technological engineering genius, and you are the one being rude for interrupting." Blair retorted with a smirk on his face.

"I have killed people for far less than that." the man said.

"Enough, enough. I'll go over there and you can sleep." Blair replied standing.

Gaige could see the features of Blair as he walked and sat on the bench next to her. He was wearing black camo combat pants and had a blue, long barreled revolver holstered at his side. Blair had a combat jacket that matched his pants and a white t-shirt. His clothes were completed with black combat boots. He looked like someone from military and when he said desertion it had to be true. When he sat down Gaige noticed a medic cross on the back of the jacket.

Blair extended his right hand and said, "Let's try this again. I'm Blair, ex-military combat medic and tech master slash scientist. Wanted fugitive for hacking multiple companies, murder, and blackmailing…oh yeah and desertion. Who are you because I'm pretty sure you sound familiar."

"My name is Gaige. I don't know what you mean by sound familiar but if you heard my ECHO cast then you know I'm wanted." Gaige replied, shaking Blair's hand.

"Ah ha! Well it would be hard to prove but I was your third subscriber and stayed a subscriber even as the count kept going down. What are the odds that we would meet? 1 out of 3.2 thousand? That's just a made up number."

Talk between the two started about Gaige's ECHO castings to Blair's Hacker-Jacker which he explained was a multi-functioning tool capable of hacking any system with ease, emitting a dangerous sonic frequency to stun biological attackers, and was a tool that could diagnose medical issues and dangerous materials in the vicinity.

"Jack, interplanetary transport 223AB9 has activity of likely candidates."

"Let me hear it then Angel…my god Angel they sound like acne covered geeks."

"Jack the male is a military deserter wanted for murder, blackmail, and hacking multiple systems including ours. The female is wanted for the murder of a fellow classmate in her high school science fair. Apparently her anti-bullying robot did the murder. Both are headed to Pandora." Angel replied.

"Okay Angel here is what we'll do. You hook me into the intercom system on that transport and I'll give them a test." Jack ordered.

"Yes sir."

Gaige and Blair looked up as them and multiple other passengers heard the ship's intercom system activate.

They all heard a man's voice say, "Okay testing is this on? If anyone wants to make a little extra money from Hyperion Corporation then kill the red headed girl seated next to a purple haired guy. The girl is wanted by authorities for murder and the gay ass guy is wanted for hacking our systems and other things that we don't need to say…carry on piss for brains."

"The hell" was all Blair said as a three round burst almost blew his head off.

"Guess I'll be making some cash then." the man who argued with Blair before said pointing his combat rifle. Multiple other people stood up with combat rifles and shotguns pointed at the two.

"Activating sonic discharge!" Blair said as he quickly pushed a button on his Hacker-Jacker.

A high-pitched buzzing was heard as everyone and Gaige fell to the ground, covering their ears.

"Sorry." Blair apologized as he aimed the device on his wrist at Gaige and pressed a combination of buttons.

A blue light scanned over the girl as the sonic noise stopped.

Gaige looked up at Blair and yelled, "What the hell!"

"Not now, not now!" Blair replied as he drew his revolver.

He fired two quick shots at the guy he argued with. They exploded after penetrating him causing a bloody mess in the area. He wheeled around and fired the rest of the four shots, killing three other people in a similar fashion. This left three stunned attackers. They shook their heads and raised their weapons but not before a humming was heard.

"Help Deathtrap!" Gaige commanded as she brought her biotic left arm forward and clenched a fist.

A small light appeared around her fist as a big robot digistructed out of the air in front of the two. It completed and let out a growl like sound before charging at the three attackers. They cursed as they shot the robot before getting ripped to pieces by the digistruct claws of Deathtrap.

"Damn." Blair said in shock as the robot turned to them.

"Damn!" he shouted as he dodged out of the way of a swipe and landed in a mess of blood.

"No Deathtrap stop! He is not a threat!" Gaige commanded at her robot.

Deathtrap made a humming noise as he seemed to digistruct back into the biotic arm of his owner.

"What the hell?" a voice said.

Blair wheeled around pointing his empty revolver at the voice which turned out to be one of the pilots.

"Don't shoot! We aren't going to kill you! That wasn't even us on the intercom." he said in fear.

"Okay good and we aren't cleaning our mess up. I expect no backstabbing when we land on Pandora, now who was it that told people to kill us?" Blair asked trying not to step in the bloody mess around the cabin.

"Handsome Jack."

"Well, well, well Angel you were right again. More dumbasses that will be Vault Hunting, lets hope they make it interesting." Jack said to Angel.

"Yes sir." Angel replied.

Gaige and Blair stepped out of the transport onto tundra grounds of a part of the planet Pandora. They were dropped off in a small outpost that had Hyperion guards around a grey building with a garage door on the side, a bar, a small inn, a Catch-A-Ride system, and three vending machines for ammo, weapons, and items Dr. Zed sells.

"First things first kid you are going to need a gun in case of something like that happening again. Can't just rely on your little friend there just like I can't rely on mine. Hacker-Jacker has cooldown for about 35 seconds every time I use the sonic function. Don't worry about your head exploding next time because I've put your DNA in here. My little safety precaution just in case I met people who were friendly." Blair said.

"I figured that and thanks for telling me but I never ever have shot a gun before. I've broken concrete and that was Deathtrap that murdered Marcie and killed those guys." Gaige replied nervously.

"Well out of the stuff I put into my storage decks that those guys had, there wasn't anything good to even practice with. Lets see if that machine with a gun on it will buy them and then we'll buy you a good starting weapon."

Blair patted the girl on the back as they walked to the three machines while keeping from making eye contact with Hyperion guards.

Blair asked, "By Marcie do you mean Marcie Holloway like you said on your recordings? If so you'll have a bigger bounty than most vault hunters normally do."

"Don't remind me." Gaige replied.

"An interesting time I shall have." Blair thought with a smirk on his face.


	2. Chapter 2 Tea Party Interrupted

Borderlands

Mechromancer and Friend

Chapter 2

Bandit Barrage and an Interrupted Tea Party

"Hey Pete will you turn that crap off" a man asked "and quit whistling! You're way off key!"

"I'm driving so I can do what I want. We made that deal." Pete replied.

"God we never said whistling, we said with the radio" the first man said back angrily. He turned on a walkie-talkie then asked, "Soldier boys back there are you fine? Don't want a moon pie or a beer?"

A reply came back on the device, "Shut up you hicks. Just drive and get to the facility like you were paid to."

"Fine but you don't have to be so ru-…hey what the hell!" the first man said before the front of the transport truck was caught in a small explosion from a rocket launcher. The truck swerved and then the cab detached from the trailer.

"The hell?!" a Hyperion engineer and soldier shouted.

Five Hyperion employees picked up their weapons as they heard multiple bandit vehicles. Tires screeching followed the sounds of arguing and metal attaching to the door. After a few minutes the rear doors were wrenched from their hinges. The two engineers and three Hyperion soldiers opened fired. Their bullets hit vehicles and bandits but were stopped short once three badass bruisers walked in front and riddled all five with holes. Within a minute they were dead.

"This can't be food. Food isn't guarded by armed guards!" a Psycho raged.

"No" a gruff booming voice with a British accent said, "it seems something better. Offload it and take it back to the hideout, whatever it is."

In the small outpost that Blair and Gaige were dropped off in, Blair was showing the girl how to work the cheap Torgue SMG they bought from the Marcus Munitions vending machine. They had sold all the guns from the people on the transport who tried to kill them getting a total of five hundred dollars.

"Okay just take the clip and make sure you have it facing the right way or it won't go in. When it is inserted give it a nice pat. The Torgue SMG is going to have a nasty kick to it and it is going to suck at ranged combat so fire when enemies get close. Don't vomit when the bullets rip them to shreds because the upside of it is the damage it will deal. Fire in controlled shots by holding the trigger slightly for a second or two then releasing got it?" Blair explained.

"Just aim and shoot? Easy enough." Gaige said pointing the gun.

"Prop it against your shoulder or it's going to fly out of your hands and…use your little tool pouch thing to hold your ammo." Blair added.

Gaige was about to speak before Blair went on, "Now we only have twenty five bucks so we need to see if there is a bounty board around here so we can get cash. Lodging, food…guns and ammo, you know the necessities. Ha, ha look at those Hyperion suckers. Something has those bastards riled up."

Gaige looked at the two Hyperion soldiers talking angrily on a radio with someone. They were very mad about some sort of shipment supposed to come to the very town.

"Hello travelers!" a robotic voice was heard. "Welcome to Iceberg."

Gaige jumped in alarm and Blair was even startled as a small green and black Claptrap continued, "I seemed to have gotten a voice in my thought processing unit that said to meet two new travelers. She said to give you a starting cash of five hundred dollars collected by unsavory means. Just don't tell Marcus or he's going to strap me to the machines and make me the dispenser. The voice also said that I had to give you two ECHO devices."

The little robot opened up a hatch on his side and took two tape recorder like device and multiple five, ten, and twenty-dollar bills. He held the five hundred dollars and the ECHO device to Blair who took them.

"If you want to know" the claptrap continued, "the voice that suddenly appeared in my thought processing unit was that of a beautiful woman with an amazing voice. She sounded like a guardian angel but it's just my imagination unit overloading. Well bye travelers…oh yeah the bounty board is over right next to the bar. Good luck!"

The claptrap rolled away as Gaige watched Blair attached the device to his belt and covered it with his jacket then handed Gaige hers. She attached it to her tool belt and pressed a button.

"Whoa this could get annoying: a red bar, an ammo counter, a navigation bar, and a weird blue bar below it." Blair said swinging at the air in front of his eyes.

"Yeah that might get annoying. Nifty but its going to be annoying." Gaige responded in agreement.

"I'm glad you have gotten everything situated. Now I'm going to tell you what to do next."

"What the hell?" Gaige and Blair asked in unison. "Who's there?"

A constantly flashing female face with brown hair tied in a ponytail appeared in front of only their eyes.

"Who I am is not important but you need to know what you are going to do before going off on your own. You first need to go to the bounty board and take on a mission. Get the hang of things so to speak which I'm sure is what you were going to plan on doing in the first place."

"You're a keen speaker of the obvious. Now who the hell are you?" Blair asked.

"This is very weird." Gaige said clenching and unclenching her cybernetic arm.

The strange female voice said before abruptly disappearing, "I will come back when it is required. You will not go without help friends."

Gaige stated with confusion in her voice, "Hello…hellooo? That was veerrry creepy. I've never seen anything like that before and that wasn't even an ECHO call!"

"Let's just go to the bounty board. That's where we were heading to anyways."

Jack was sitting at a desk with an annoyed look on his face.

"That's all Angel? You just said go to the bounty board? They may be slightly more than nerdy piss heads but that just makes them violent nerdy shit heads. What was going through that intelligent brain of yours?"

"Another challenge. Trust me sir."

"Fine. I'm 'trusting you' like I've gotten used to."

"The only bounty on here is for someone to check out a mysterious cave that they want covered because it might be a bandit holdout. It's called Cave Clogging." Gaige said.

Blair asked reading over the description, "What is the reward?"

"300 dollars, two guns, and whatever is in the cave if we look." Gaige replied.

Blair asked, "What do you think? Sound easy enough for you?"

"It's the only one so…why not." Gaige replied pressing a button at the corner of the request.

A message popped up on the board that read, "Thank you citizen/traveler for accepting the quest. When you have returned with the required information, you will have your payment. Either walk, jog, run, or take the Catch-A-Ride system to the designated coordinates of the quest."

"Very mechanical sounding isn't it." Blair wondered aloud.

"Lets see. We need to go east of this place about half a mile and then we'll be at a canyon." Gaige started explaining as Blair was looking at a map next to the board. "There we need to go around till we find a small opening in a wall that is a around 100 meters from a larger entrance. DO NOT GO NEAR THAT LARGER ENTRANCE! You will not live once you get within 30 feet in front of the entrance."

"Well got where we are supposed to go. What say you we check out that one entrance and then the smaller less threatening one?" Blair asked.

Gaige shrugged again, "Got nothing to loose now do I?"

"How old are you?"

"18."

"Your older than I thought but you still got plenty to lose. Lets get going shall we?" Blair said almost sternly before quickly going back to his original attitude.

The two quickly went by the Hyperion guards to the Catch-A-Ride system. When they spawned a machine gun buggy, Blair hopped into the driver's seat. Gaige climbed up to the turret seat where the former military medic explained how to work the turret then they drove off to the east.

**inside a cave**

"Well what are we supposed to do now? Just continue to watch that little outpost like always?" a bandit asked angrily.

"The boss wants us to deal with that psycho but no one goes near that place. The skags don't even go there!" a psycho said.

"We gotta deal with 'it' sometime or 'it'll' find out about the loot we got at the HQ! We know the freak likes explosions."

Just then a chain reaction of explosions was heard. Three bandits quickly ran outside and saw one of their pals crawling towards them, missing a foot.

"It threw a grenade at me! Laying mines isn't enough!"

The three ran and got their friend in the cave while hearing a large door close.

**back to the two unlikely allies**

The two passed into the canyon as Blair slowed to a stop. He pulled a map that was under the seat out and traced a path with his finger.

"Seems like a straight way to who knows where so we'll be able to spot the cave easily." Blair told Gaige.

"So are we going to check out that big cave? Maybe there is some hidden treasure where the big monster is." Gaige asked.

Blair tucked the map back under the seat and hit the gas. As they drove Gaige saw a large form charge them.

"EEP!"

Gaige let loose a barrage of bullets from the turret nailing the creature head on. That's when Blair hit the turbo and rammed it, sending it flying above them and then colliding to the ground. Blair stopped and turned the car to where he could see the dead monster better.

"What the hell is that thing?" Gaige asked.

Blair answered as more roars were heard, "I don't know but we aren't welcomed! Lets rev it up!"

The buggy sped forward, just barely escaping getting hit by a large rock.

"I'm gonna keep driving in the direction this waypoint is telling me and you shoot the hell out of those things!" Blair ordered.

"Don't have to tell me twice!" came the reply.

The former military medic kept driving along the curving path of the canyon, Gaige shooting what she could with the turret and Blair shooting what he could with the vehicle's front turret. Blair saw his waypoint start moving to the left but he kept going until he was near a large doorway but he didn't notice that.

He spun 180 degrees, drove forward, then hit the nitro, singing, "Gonna bowl over some giant ass monsters then we're gonna search for treasure!"

**in a cave**

"What the hell is ruining my tea party? Someone obviously has the balls to interrupt Lady Tina of Blowupyourfaceheim's good time. Excuse me my lovely huggabutts, I'm going to go wreck someone's ride!"

**outside**

"Is-is-is that it? No more snow monsters?" Gaige asked, swiveling the turret around.

Blair had his revolver out pointing it around as he answered, "It looks like it. If there were any more then they might have attacked already."

The red head took a deep breath to calm herself before saying, "Well I can see the small entrance we're suppose to check out but I see we are also in the halfway past the restricted zone but we haven't died yet."

The medic looked around and saw they were about 40 feet from a large pair of doors and the two jumped when they opened.

There was a pause as Gaige pointed the turret and Blair pointed his gun before a young voice shouted, "Okay what ho thought it was funny to interrupt my tea party! I'm gonna explode then shank a bitch when I see you!"

The two then saw a small form with blonde, curly hair, and was wearing torn pats, and a blouse.

"Hey wait a second. You two don't look like bandits but that still doesn't excuse why you random hobags are interrupting my tea party!" the girl shouted at them.

"That's a little girl Blair. We're supposed to stay away from this place?"

The girl somehow must have heard them because she yelled again, "Damn straight you don't come here unless you are invited. I specifically don't remember inviting you!" She pulled a little detonator out before continuing, "Prepare to make it RAAAIIIIINNNNNN!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Please stop!" Blair pleaded, holstering his gun.

The girl stopped, her finger barely touching the button. "Why should I? Why should I huh, huh?"

Blair shouted back, calmly (ironic right), "Let us come over to where we won't be shouting for snow monsters to attack us and explain. We did not mean to interrupt your tea party."

The girl lowered her arm and gave them a look, "Ugh fine. Drive your toy over by my entrance. Make it snappy and then explain. Then I'll decide to continue with some unexpected fireworks."

"Lets get going. I have a feeling we're on some spot we shouldn't be on." Gaige said nervously.

Blair quickly drove the buggy and parked it near the entrance of the girl's cave. As the two climbed out, the girl activated the detonator. Explosions rang out in a chain reaction, which was heavy enough to knock the two down. The little girl just jumped up and down while clapping and laughing maniacally.

After the explosions died down she casually skipped down into wide chamber singing, "All around the stactus plant, the stalker chased the bandit. The stalker thought twas all in fun" she then jumped "Pop goes the bandit."

The two slowly got up before following.

They started after the little girl as Gaige told Blair bluntly, "This girl is nuts!"

Blair answered, "Yeah so don't piss her off."

**at Tina's tea table**

The young girl "I'm sorry everyone but we have unexpected guest. Mushy Snugglebites, Sir Reginald, Felicia Sexopants, these are the unexpected guests. Unexpected guests these are Mushy Snugglebites, Sir Reginald, Felicia Sexopants, and I am your host Tina. You two introduce your fine selves, sit down, and don't look at the other three's badonkadonks because that is very rude. C'mon sit, sit, sit!" Tiny Tina said while setting two chairs down.

Gaige and Blair slowly sat down as Tina did before Blair introduced themselves, "My name is Blair Mackenzi and my robotic armed friend here is Gaige."

After Gaige said hi, Tina started bouncing in her seat, "Oh a robotic arm? Let me see it! C'mon you can show me, please, please, pleaseeee!"

Gaige slowly held up her arm and explained, "I did this when working on my science experiment. I decided to use it as a summoning point so DT can come wherever I want. DT stands for Deathtrap and he is this big robot that can make things blow up. How old are you in the first place?"

The answer came excitedly, "13. Ohhhh it makes a robot that blows things up? AWESOME! I love blowing things up! Guess you huggabutts know that now don't you? So anyway, why did you two interrupt my tea party? Before you say anything though you got to try the crumpets. They are crunk!"

Tina quickly stood up and brought around a small plate with crumpets on them and a teapot with two teacups balanced on it. She placed the plate in between the two and then proceeded to give them each a cup of tea where as she passed by Blair, he noticed that she had a bloody mask on the side of her hair.

As she walked back to her seat and sat down, Blair started explaining what he and Gaige were doing in the area. He also told them how they met including the scuffle with others on the dropship, the sudden meeting by the so called "guardian angel", getting the mission off a bounty board, then coming to the canyon and getting attacked by the now known Bullymongs, which finally lead to their encounter with Tina.

"Lemme tell you something Shawtie. That cave has bandits coming in and out of it the entire mother humping time. I kill or disfigure at least one of them every week. They constantly interrupt my nap times because they try to kill me because I protect my property so I would loooooove to see that whole place gone. Something is strange about the quest you accepted. You dig ladies? Hey I gots an idea: lets go blow it up!"

Gaige looked at Blair then asked, "Why haven't you done that before?"

"Helloooooooo, I've been planning this awesome tea party! The last time had four funny waiters who were friends of a pal of mine. They had to blow up a train and my two fine ass ladies helped them and I killed the stupid bastard who killed my parents. So bottom line my ho, I didn't want to at the time but now I'm going to if you all are anyways." Tina answered sarcastically.

Gaige stared blankly before asking, "Did you call me a ho?"

"Yeah dude I call everyone funny names. So purple man we gonna cause some splosives to got off? Are we, are we, huh, huh?"

Blair kept a business like expression going, "Listen Tina. I know you want to blow up those bandits."

"I blow up all bandits. Ha ha boom!" Tina interrupted.

Blair went on unfazed, "But we had a mission to look in the cave first before caving it in. There could be explosives to add to your arsenal. You could get a chance to kill the bandits as well. We could split some of the bounty we get if any at all with you and Gaige could show you Deathtrap in action."

Blair took a bite of a crumpet and remarked, "This crumpet is goddamn crunk to. Very nicely done."

"Lets go do this shiz dog! You had me at explosive, arsenal, and kill the bandits. Let me go get someone to help us!"

Tina jumped up, kicking her chair back in the process, and ran into a room with a garage door then quickly closed it. Gaige and Blair heard multiple strange songs being sung, drilling, and then an evil laugh being heard followed by Tina saying, "Yessss. These are the best badonkadonks yet! Little missy you are ready you fine ass sexy lady."

The door slid back up quickly and the little girl came out holding a green stuffed rabbit with a vest of explosives on and multiple pink tubes sticking out of its back.

"Meet the newest member of my humble abode: Cecilia Humperdink. This dashing fine lady has volunteered to help fill that hole."

She then strapped the stuffed animal on her back with the backpack straps and crawled under the table where she retrieved a large belt of grenades. Blair counted 10 explosive bouncing betties as she strapped it around her waist.

"What are we waiting for girls, lets get to the fun part of the day!" Tina said jumping up and down.

Gaige and Blair both followed the girl after finishing the glass of tea and running after the mentally deranged girl. Tina was waiting and once the others joined her they were on their way to the small cave.

After a few seconds Tina said, "Yo, yo, yo, gimme a piggy back girly name guy."

"What now?" Blair asked.

Before she said anything, she suddenly jumped on Blair's back, nearly knocking him to the ground.

"Gah! What the hell?" Blair shouted as he almost fell.

She spoke up as he regained his balance, "It's the least you can do for me since I didn't blow the shiznits out of you two. Plus I haven't gotten one of these in a long time homedog."

"Fine, fine Tina." Blair said as she wrapped her arms over his shoulders and he held her by her legs to keep her from falling.

Gaige laughed, "I wish I could get a picture of this."

Tina then shouted, while pointing to where the cave was, "Onward to victory my minions!"

The small cave was about 100 meters like the board had said so it only took five minutes, even with Blair carrying Tina on his back. In that short amount of time though Tina had sang multiple strange songs: A revision of I'm a little Teacup, a song about putting bombs in damsels, a song about killing Handsome Jack, a made up song about almost killing Blair and Gaige, and finally a song about chocolate chip cookies.

"Okay we'll go in guns a blazing chaps. When we get done screwing around and finally gets to the fun part and blows it up, we'll return and drink some tea. Does that sound good mates?" Tina said in a fake but decent and formal British accent.

Blair let her down to the ground as Gaige made her way to the side of the entrance to the cave. Blair got to the other side and Tina got beside him.

"Here's what we're going to do. We'll sneak in there as best as possible. If anything is of importance in there, we should take it. Once in there Tina, you should give a quiet distraction or as quiet as you can go. I'll follow in once the distraction is initiated and Gaige will come in behind me." Blair explained.

"Um daddio, how quiet do you want it? I have loud, louder, loudest, and nuclear. Wait or was it loud, louder, loudest, nuclear, and d-day. Yeah that's it. It's the last one buddy." Tina rambled.

"Wait quiet. Someone's coming." Gaige said quietly.

"I heard you out here you little shit! What do you have friends now?" a shout came as a bandit rushed outside.

Blair quickly jumped behind him and locked a quick sleeper hold on the bandit. Before the sleeper took affect, Gaige backhanded the bandit with her bionic hand.

"Hey I had him Gaige." Blair complained as he let the bandit fall to the ground. "Tina what the hell are you doing?"

Blair said that as Tina crawled on the bandit's chest, who only had foot, and took a grenade from her belt.

Tina answered casually, "Gonna uh…blow up a bandit…after we get a relatively safe distance from him of course."

Another metallic thud was heard as a bandit fell to the ground.

"Lets stop screwing around man. Next thing coming around is going to be a freaking snow monster." Gaige complained.

Blair quickly stood up, "Okay Tina go in and distract them. You can blow them up when we come back out."

"Okay." Tina said glumly, attaching the grenade back to her belt and scampering into the cavern.

**inside the cave**

"What the hell is going on here? Shouldn't there have been some explosion or something?" a bandit asked.

"Sup, sup, sup bandit boys."

"Oh god, she's in here!"

"Show yourself!"

"Oh god, she's in here! Show yourself! I'm your worst nightmare because you all keep ruining my naptime!" Tina mocked before throwing a grenade and curling up into a little ball while covering her ears.

The grenade was a flashbang, albeit a modified one. It exploded in a flash of bright light while releasing a small radius sonic boom. The bandits blinded, deafened, and knocked on their butts. Any small and light objects were knocked to the ground if they were in the vicinity.

"C'mon sugar cubes!" Tina shouted standing up "they are 'distracted'."

"Lets go!" Blair said pulling his revolver.

Blair ran through the tiny pass between the entrance and the room with Gaige behind him. A bandit was rising but still clutching his head in dizziness when Blair ran his knee into the bandit's skull, knocking him unconscious. Gaige booted another in the skull with a kick and Tina jumped and landed on another's head with her back.

All the bandits were incapacitated as Tina huffed, "Why didn't you kill them girly guy? C'mon, c'mon, c'mon…wait, is that…a food vending machine!" Tina asked before getting distracted.

Blair didn't notice as he picked up an orange combat rifle with a drum magazine.

"Gaige" Blair started while checking over the gun, "lets see if there is anything that might be of importance or of any use. You know: guns, loot, and information things."

"Cookie, cookie, cookie, cookie, cookie, where the hell are the cookies!"

Tina shouted, stamping her feet.

Blair digistructed the rifle and the bandit's other weapons into his pack as he helped Gaige look for any loot or useful information. The room was small, only 16x20 and contained lockers, some sleeping cots, a snack machine that Tiny Tina pounded in anger as she couldn't find cookies in its selection, and a desk that just seemed out of place because of it being in a cave. Gaige looked around the cots and in the lockers while Blair checked out the desk.

"AHA! Cookie button!" the little girl said excitedly.

The top of the desk was bare except 535 dollars in multiple bills and 6 revolver rounds. Blair took the rounds and put them in his ammo belt and the bills were digistructed into his pack. He sat down casually in the chair and opened up the top drawer on his right where he then found an Echo caster with one message in the inbox. He took it out and pressed the play button.

The message had a male voice with a gruff British accent say, "Alright mates the egghead actually knows what this is. It's a laser targeting system. It is capable of long distance targeting for missiles of any kind. It is capable of 'capturing' a signal and allows us to use that to track signal locations, disrupt them, listen in on conversations, or send them someplace else. It can be used on satellites as well so it could net us a huge profit or we can use it to take out those Sanctuary bastards or Hyperion Corporation themselves. We need all the boys for this meeting. The answer is pretty obvious but we need the whole lot for a more better way to stretch the objectives. Get your asses to the normal place at Ripoff Station. Tallyho the Terminator, out."

"Well now we have stumbled upon a very, very big thing here." Blair said as he checked the other drawers. There were papers that he didn't bother to look through it though as Gaige called him over.

"There's a fake floor here. Help me get into this floor here." Gaige said.

"Who makes a vending machine that doesn't work? I want chocolate chip cookies!"

Gaige got the cot moved and Blair was searching for a handle. Finally they found one but it took both of them to pull it up because it was so rusted. Under the panel was a red chest that opened automatically. Inside was a brown revolver with a six round cylinder and a long barrel. Along it was a blue SMG with a bull-pup clip that contained at least 30 rounds.

"That's a shock SMG just to let you know and this revolver is explosive, my favorite types." Blair said picking up the revolver and opening it up to see the cylinder condition.

Tina made a cutesy squeal of happiness as the machine started dropping a snack down the tray, "Cookie, cookie, cookie, cookie!"

"Your Maliwan looks way different than the model we just found." Gaige said standing up and loading the SMG she took.

"It's an old model. Been in my possession since before I came here by a few years but you know what I found? I found an Echo caster with an unheard message. The message had some bandit I guess talking about a missile targeting device used to do all sorts of crazy things besides pinpoint a target for a missile strike. Seems they plan on wiping out some 'Sanctuary bastards' and the Hyperion group on this planet. Think we should ask Tina about it?" Blair explained.

"Yeah but were going to have to wait for her to stop focusing on cookies though." Gaige remarked, pointing to Tina.

"THAT IS NOT A CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE! THAT IS A BOX OF RASINS!" Tina shouted angrily. "WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?!"

Blair and Gaige were up looking around the desk area and in the lockers to see if there was any more information about the device the caster had talked about. When they got up to look, the bandits were gone having come to conscious reality and hightailing it out of the cave. They didn't see Tina take the stuffed animal off her back and place it against the machine before punching its stomach.

"You should follow me out of here if you don't wanna be crispy critters!" Tina said in an angry huff, walking past where the bandits should have been.

"I think we better hightail it." Gaige said quickly.

"No kidding." Blair replied in agreement.

He quickly picked up the Echo caster and the papers he first found and Gaige picked up some other papers before they ran after Tina.

Tina was out the entryway with a detonator in her hand and as soon as the two were past her she said, "10…9" and clicked the button.

Gaige and Blair got knocked off their feet and were slightly deafened as Tina stood and watched the rock cave in.

"Anyone else get bored after 9?"

All of a sudden a small thud sounded near Tina's foot. All three looked down.

"CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES!" Tina shouted picking up the package.


	3. Chapter 3 Operation Pandora Tea Party

Chapter 3

Mechromancer and Friend

Operation Pandora Tea Party

**In wherever Jack is**

"Well Angel did you plan this out? Seems our two acne covered nerds found the plans and tech that was stolen not to long ago."

"Yes sir. It was a high probability that they would find the plans and learn where the tech was because those bandits were part of the group who were part of the theft."

"What do you plan on doing?"

"With the addition and help of the young girl, they found that something was 'wrong' with the quest. With the combination of Tina's love of explosives, the curiosity of Gaige and Blair, and Tina's need to help Sanctuary because of her friend, they will go to the nearby Ripoff Station to try and reclaim the tech. We can make sure to get a dropship of soldiers to reclaim the tech after the three deal with the bandits."

"Tina, Gaige, Blair?"

"Yes sir those are the names of the little blond haired girl that aided the four new Vault hunters with stopping the train, the red haired girl with the bionic arm who summons the large robot, and the military deserter who hacked our systems, in that order."

Oh yes well then Angel lets get those soldiers on standby. Make sure they know it should be an easy pick up."

"What ever you say Jack."

**Outside the demolished cliff wall**

"Alright minions, back to the holdout! We must not let the enemy recuperate!" Tina shouted in a British accent.

She jumped onto Gaige's back this time as she stood up. Gaige nearly fell with the sudden weight and Blair managed to help her keep her balance.

"Lets go, lets go, c'mon shawtie, lets move. Your turn to carry me because I didn't blow you up either." Tina said pointing in the direction of her home.

"This is embarrassing." Gaige remarked, adjusting Tina's legs.

"You seemed to not have an issue with me carrying her last time." Blair chuckled, leading the way.

"Yeah but that was you and not me." Gaige mumbled.

"Hey you want to know what might cheer you up? Felicia Sexopants told me she gots a crush on you. She's one fine ass lady you know." Tina told the red head."

"Okaaay…" Gaige remarked awkwardly.

"Its okay. Even if you don't feel the same way, she probably will lose interest within the day. She's a bit of a tramp at times. She was eyeing you to tie-dye." Tina explained.

The walk was about four minutes longer than last time because Gaige was carrying Tina, Blair and Gaige were hit by that explosion of Tina's (which Tina was somehow not even dazed by), and a small storm seemed to be heading their way so the wind picked up and was blowing the snow around. When the three got back to Tina's home and she jumped off of Gaige's back.

"He Tina I got to ask you something." Blair started.

"What, what, what? I want to start eating my cookies daddio!" Tina responded impatiently.

"Have you ever heard of someone named Tallyho the Terminator?" Blair asked.

"Oh that was the British voice I heard in the little hidey hole while I was trying to get my cookies. Yeah I heard of him. He has the 6th largest bandit group on the whole planet. He an I aren't on the best of terms cause I keep stealing his tea every now and again. Selfish gerk wouldn't trade any crumpets for them and then tried to kill me. I think he tried to look at my ass on the way out."

"Well Tina it seems he got his hands on a Hyperion device of sorts. Some sort of-…" Blair started explaining before being cut off.

"Yeah, yeah, I heard it. I've got good hearing. I know someone who might be able to help but lets take a siesta mi amigos. COOKIE TIME!" Tina told him as she skipped off to the table and the stuffed animals.

Blair walked to his and Gaige's buggy and drove it slowly past the open doors. Just as he got barely through the opening, the door swung closed with a slam. Gaige moved to the tea table where Tina was sitting at the head, opening the package of cookies. He parked the vehicle and joined Gaige at the table with Tina.

"So whose your friend Tina?" Gaige asked.

"Patience cyborg. Can't a lady eat some cookies she worked hard to get? You two rest or relax because I'm kicking you out when I get done with my cookies."

Blair looked at the girl, "Do you know what Double T on the ECHO message meant by 'Sanctuary Bastards' because I think he had the intention of taking whoever they were out."

"WHAT!" Tina shouted kicking the table. "No one threatens anyone in Sanctuary unless it is me!"

Gaige tilted her head, "What's Sanctuary?"

"Its only one of the most known and well established city ON Pandora! Its run by the pal of mine I told you about. His name is Roland and he is one of the four first Vault Hunters from a few years ago. No one threatens my brother's city cause we tight like that. Cookies I'm sorry but your delicious, for real deal goodness has to wait." Tina exclaimed while kicking her chair back again.

She made her way into the garage like room and pulled an ECHO caster from under a cot. She sat down on it and started pressing a button as Gaige and Blair, who grabbed some crumpets, joined her.

"Bravo, Vega, Charlie horse, true grit, blue, forty two, twenty four, one, one, five, TNT, C4, Zeta, marigold, boom boom POW. Is you there Roland my favorite shawtie? Tea party, crunk crumpet, proximity and the mine…-" Tina asked, saying random words in rapid succession before being cut off by an adult male's voice.

The man said sternly, "Tina for the last time I can't come to your tea party. Neither can Lilith, Brick, Mordecai, Scooter, or Moxxie."

"Sup, what up, and all the shiz. How ya doin Rolo?" Tina asked excitedly.

The man said sternly again, "Tina what is it. We need to get a message out to Maya so they know what they are supposed to do. Make it quick."

"So I was havin a tea party, you know it was a weeks worth of planning and stuff, then I hear the darndest thing. I hear a bunch of shooting and tire squealing so I go out to kill me what I thought was bandits but I find and nearly kill two strangers who even I bet you all never seen before. I mean these are definite newbies: they don't even know what Bullymongs are. Pffttt, idiots."

Gaige interrupted, "We're right here!"

The man Tina called Roland quickly answered, "Who was that? Tina do you have a gun to your head again?"

Tina waved her hand nonchalantly, "No brother their just right here. See they had a quest, got attacked by Bullymongs, met me, almost died, met my huggabutts, blew up some bandit hidey hole, my help of course, that has been interrupting my naptimes, and came back where I was about to kick them out after I ate some chocolate chip cookies. Can you believe it? Those bandits had cookies and I didn't know. He found something that seems like it might be good to grab or Sanctuary could wind up like I got a hold of the main energy reactor of that place."

Roland paused then spoke, "Tina put one of the strangers on."

Tina huffed then handed the ECHO caster to Blair.

"Hello uh…Roland. My name is Blair Mackenzi. Former military medic and I am with one other person. Her name is Gaige. Don't worry your friend is in no danger."

"No pleasantries here Mr. Mackenzi. Tell me what you found." Roland said, straight to the point.

Blair cleared his throat, "Well it began when we did as Tina said. We made our way into this little hidey-hole me and my friend were supposed to look around and then cave it. We did a standard looting process and I found an ECHO cast from a bandit named Tallyho the Terminator. He apparently stole slash acquired a Hyperion machine able to do a lot of really complicated stuff but bottom line could lead to the destruction of the city Sanctuary. They are located at a place called Ripoff Station."

Blair explained a little more before Roland said, "Tell Tina I'm going to be there with a few friends of mine and we'll get that machine back. Tell her to stay put. Roland signing out."

Blair handed the device back to Tina who paused before saying, "So…lets get going. Roland can meet up with us later."

**In where ever Jack and Angel are**

"See Jack I told you. Except now we'll need to get a larger force together."

"Yeah. We need to send a lot of grunts. We'll take care of the Sanctuary leader after we get our targeting system back."

"Right."

**Back to Tiny Tina's cave**

"What do you mean 'lets go'? Your friend just said to stay put." Blair asked.

Tina rolled her eyes, "Dude they are just bandits. Roland gets to places lickety split especially when me, his favorite person on Pandora, tells him there might be some life or death thing that I didn't cause."

"Tina he sounds like someone me and Blair shouldn't mess with." Gaige said.

"Oh you don't want to mess with Rolo. He could kill you with his bare hands. It's mostly my pal Brick you gotta worry about though when it comes to killing things with his hands. Anywaays, we should go to Ripoff Station, kill us some bandits, and then when Roland and some of my other friends appear they won't have to pull a trigger."

"Uh Blair?"

"What Gaige?"

"I'm trying to make the objectives appear on my HUD but they've disappeared. Something is weird." Gaige explained.

Blair pushed a button on his ECHO HUD device and he couldn't find the objectives of the mission he and Gaige took.

"Could be a malfunction?" Blair wondered.

"No they're in good condition. The only way these aren't going to work is if they take a bullet or something." Gaige said.

"Someone canceled your mission. Looks like some putty tat isn't getting paaayed." Tina chimed.

Suddenly the woman appeared in Gaige and Blair's vision, "Tina is right my friends."

"God you again!" Blair and Gaige shouted at the same time.

"Hey, hey, hey! Who we talking about ma hos?"

"Tina can't see me because I chose not to let her. You all should be careful if you choose to attack the bandits."

"Why should we? You planning on attacking us?" Gaige asked.

"No not me but someone besides the bandits will. You just need to be wary of Ripoff Station. Trust Tina and trust her friends. They'll be able to help you and you'll be able to help them. I'll be in contact again."

The woman disappeared and Tina asked, "Who you talking to? Why did you ignore me unless Guardian Angel contacted you? Roland will defiantly want to talk to you now."

"What say we go check out Ripoff Station?" Gaige asked.

**Roland's home**

"Thank you for coming." Roland told Lilith, Brick, and Mordecai.

"You sounded urgent soldier man so what's up?" the giant of a man, Brick, asked.

"Tina called and apparently met two people. One named Gaige and another was a formal military medic named Blair Mackenzi. The took a mission from a bounty board and had to find an empty cave that turned out to be a bandit hold out that needed to be destroyed. The three apparently found an ECHO Cast from Tallyho the Terminator that said they stole a weapon that according to Tina can help destroy the 'Sanctuary Bastards' and is located at Ripoff Station."

"So are we going to go to Ripoff Station and look for this weapon?" Lilith asked, adjusting her shirt.

"That's what I'm planning. Knowing Tina and just by a gut feeling with these strangers, they won't listen to me telling them to stay. I've sent a request to Axton, Maya, Salvador, and ZerO for assistance. Its Tallyho the Terminator we're talking about." Roland explained.

"Yeah that tea drinking Brit can be pretty nasty. He prefers arming his bandits with heavy machine guns, rockets, and shock grenades. He has a larger amount of badass bruisers in his group than most other bandit leaders. We should get there quickly before Tina gets in over her head, even for her." Mordecai said.

"I thought she dealt with triple T before." Lilith asked.

Roland stood up and picked up the assault rifle he had by his desk, "Its different when you are stealing tea though Lilith."

**Tina's Cave**

"You imbeciles don't have a shield do you? You gots to have a shield son or ya'll gonna die!" Tina said.

Gaige explained, "We didn't have any money to get one. It was just suppose to be a simple cave clogging mission. We didn't know we were going to be fighting bandits."

Tina threw her hands up in the air, "Gah you all are newbs! You'll never make it anywhere in life. Ma trunk over there has some extra shields and" she paused, "Take some of my grenades to. I got explosive and fire bouncing betties to chose from."

Blair and Gaige walked over to the trunk the little girl pointed out and opened it. Inside were five shields and about 30 grenades, each of them were bouncing betties.

Blair picked up a bronze colored shield that read, "Shield strength 440. Recharge rate 125. Increased recharge rate" in his HUD.

"I'll take this one." Blair said as Gaige picked up a shield that had a blue tinge in its silver color.

"This one says it has a 300 shield strength, a recharge rate of 50, and that this shield is resistant to shock damage."

Blair nodded as he looked at his ammo belt. I can carry four grenades. How many can you carry?"

Gaige looked around her tool belt, "I can squeeze four on my person."

Blair told Gaige that they should each take two fire bouncing betties and two explosive bouncing betties. When they stood up and turned around they saw Tina sleeping face first on her cot snoring.

"Uhh wasn't she just awake?" Gaige wondered aloud, confused.

"Yeah. Lets get our weapons in order so we can be ready to go." Blair ordered.

**The location where Jack and Angel are**

"Sir the soldiers are ready. We got some of the best handpicked soldiers who will be ready to drop in when the order is given."

"Good Angel. We'll wait till the fireworks stop before heading it. We need to take these annoying assholes out fast so the tech doesn't get damaged."

**Tina's Cave**

Tina made some cutesy yawning noises as she woke up after 3 minutes. Blair finished his load out, using the orange assault rifle he found and the two revolvers. Gaige used the shock SMG (which had a 35 round clip).

"Lets go shawties! I'll take you two Ripoff. Its not to far but we can't take the buggy." Tina said digging under her cot. "We'll go in, throw some grenades, shoot some bullets, and kill some buggers then we'll be sitting and waiting when Roland and the others show up. Simple."

"Sounds good but do you happen to have any combat rifle ammo?" Blair asked.

Tina pulled out a red and purple shield then pointed to a very large trunk at the other end of her cot, "When bandits try and kill you they tend to drop their weapons and ammo when they die."

Blair opened the trunk and he saw a whole ammo dump: combat rifle ammo, revolver ammo, repeater ammo, and the works. There were belts for ammo as well so he took one of those for him and one for Gaige. He tossed her the belt for her ammo and then filled the second belt with 700 rounds of combat rifle clips. He strapped it over his shoulder and loaded a clip into the rifle. The rifle he was using was in rather good condition, had a 50 round drum magazine, and the Vladof logo on the stock which meant that it had an excellent rate of fire.

"Lets go, lets go, lets go, lets go! I want to do more of my favorite job in the world!" Tina said excitedly with the shield on her belt.

Tina grabbed up a satchel that she went and filled with grenades and mines. She then started skipping towards the entrance with Gaige and Blair behind her. She pressed a button on a little control she pulled out of a pocket to open the doors and pressed it again when the three were outside.

"Follow me my soldiers in training! The target is not to far away. It is a lot of walking but it should take a minimum of 10 minutes. Lets go! MUSH, MUSH, MUSH!" Tina cried, marching and saluting like a soldier.

Gaige shivered as the wind blew harder, signaling the coming weather. She didn't understand how Tina was able to take the winters. Blair was putting his mind set to his "military mode" where he prepped himself like he was told when he actually was in the military. Then an important thought popped into his head.

"Tina turn around real fast." Blair said, tapping a few buttons on his Hacker Jacker.

"You know that's a real good way to kill someone? Hey turn around BANG, it's the perfect idea. So what you wants?" Tina rambled.

"I need to scan your DNA real fast or your head will explode into a bloody juice."

"Scan my DNA? Perv, wait a juice? Do I get to taste it?" Tina asked, turning around and walking backwards.

"No Tina listen. That device on his wrist can emit a high frequency sonic wave that incapacitates all biological units in a set radius. It would hurt even you." Gaige explained.

"Correct Gaige. All I need you to do Tina is let my device scan across you and you won't get affected by the sonic wave." Blair explained.

He held up the device and the light mesmerized Tina as it passed over her and then tripped when it shut off and a beeping was heard.

She shook her head and said like a hippie, "Stellar cookie-puss."

Blair helped her up and they kept going. After ten minutes they came around to a large gate. Tina pulled them down behind a rock as a sentry looked out over the wall.

Before Tina said anything Blair gave the orders, "When we get in there we got to find cover. What we need is a distraction. Tina you are the quickest and the one least effected by explosions at a close proximity. Think you could nail some key places?"

"Hell yeah twinkle toes."

"Gaige how durable is DT?"

"He's pretty good. In my scientific opinion he'll probably be the smarter choice because after he spends his time or he loses his health, he regenerates his health during his cooldown."

"Excuse me roboto but I know my way around bandits. A giant robot is just a bullet magnet and that just leaves a field of gunfire to fight through."

"Tina is right. Once those explosions she causes do their job. We'll try our best to sneak in there. We can then get Deathtrap activated in the middle where he can hit everything." Blair explained.

"There is always some barrels that cause some big POWs if shot enough. I'll get those clusters and blow em up like they were my own ladies. Now commencing Operation Pandora Tea Party!" Tina exclaimed before scurrying off.

**On the wall**

Tina had surprising agility, even with the amount of explosives she had, and was able to climb up the wall easily with the holes in it and the pipes around it. She peered over it but ducked down when a sentry walked by. She took out a small wireless controller and tapped in a series of button combinations. Her mines were now set to detonate remotely. She quickly jumped over the side and down on over the next ledge. She saw a cluster of fuel barrels, took out a mine, and threw it with deadly precision. It stuck and a light flashed. She ducked behind a crate peered over to see what all there was to blow up. There were more fuel clusters everywhere and it made her giggle. Not even she, as much as she wanted to, left explosive barrels out all willy-nilly like.

"Lets work my magic." Tina giggled.

**Outside**

Blair checked the two revolvers. One was in its holster and the other was tight in his belt. He triple checked everything else and made sure Gaige did.

"Hey Gaige there is something I need to tell you about my Hacker Jacker that I forgot to tell you about. I can set the radius to be larger up to fifty yards but doing so is going to make its cooldown longer than the standard 35 seconds. Just figured I should tell you that before I get yelled at incase of sticky situations."

"Okay good, good. Thanks for that heads up."

Another five minutes went by before Gaige asked, "I know it's a stupid question but is she going to give a signal of sorts?"

Just then they heard shouting.

**In Ripoff Station**

"SUP YOU BANDIT BASTERDS! HELL KNOWS NO PAIN AND DEATH LIKE TINY TINA!" the little girl shouted running into the middle of the station.

"What? Down there shoot her!" a bandit shouted.

**Outside**

Blair and Gaige ducked down as they heard multiple sounds of gunfire.

They then saw their psychotic little friend run out the gate, with her shield flashing, and shouting, "BURN ALL THE BABIES!" and hit a button on a detonator of sorts.

A chain reaction of explosions sounded as Tina slid and rolled on the ground.

"Gaige lets move!" Blair shouted.

The two ran towards their friend who was rising and making a bunch of shouts like a tribal warrior in excitement. Blair lifted her up and took point, followed by Tina, who was followed by Gaige. Fires were around and they took cover by a stack of crates.

Gaige clinched her bionic fist and shouted, "C'mon DT! Smash every bandit you see!"

The giant floating robot with one arm digistructed out of nowhere. Almost immediately it sped to a group of dazed bandits and slashed them to pieces. A bandit was rising on a ledge and Blair drew his blue revolver like the wind and with pinpoint accuracy, dropped the bandit with an explosive shot to the back. Tiny Tina giggled maniacally as she watched the robot destroy whatever bandit with a swipe of its claws if it was nearby or a fiery laser beam if they were farther away.

"Operation Pandora Tea Party has begun!" Tina shouted. She stood up and shouted again, "Remember the CRUMPEEEEETS!"

A/N: So everyone I cut this off here. I know, I know it was not the best chapter but the next chapter is going to be full of ANARCHY AND VIOLENCE GALORE! MWA HA, HA, HA, HA! **Clears throat** Sorry went a little Gaige Anarchy rage mixed with Tina's insanity. It probably won't happen again. So uh I don't say this often but read, review, and do it politely or I will slap you with Felicia Sexopants explosive badonkadonks! Uh sorry about that…


	4. Chapter 4 The Battle of Ripoff Station

Mechromancer and Friend

Chapter 4

The Battle of Ripoff Station

"Gaige, cover me!" Blair ordered as he stood up with the orange rifle at the ready.

"Fine!" Gaige replied as she stood up and laid an arc of suppressing fire.

Blair sprinted to a ladder near the entrance where they came in. He hurriedly climbed up the ladder and started running across the top. A bandit turned and saw him but was greeted with a quick eight round burst to the chest and head. Three bandits turned at him and only got a few shots from their weapons as Blair dropped to a knee and unloaded the rest of his rifle. He quickly reloaded his rifle and digistructed it into his weapon pack. He pulled out the two revolvers, one in each hand, and ran along the walls until he came upon a small guard tower like structure. He kicked open the door.

"Guess its go to know a military guy in a place like this." Gaige thought.

There were two raiders opposite him and he unloaded. His first two pistol shots exploded the bandit's heads but he couldn't help the other ten shots.

"Anyone want bandit stew? There are some delicious bandit brains in it?" Blair chuckled.

A weapon that one of the bandits had caught his eye: it was a Hyperion sniper rifle. He quickly jogged over to it and picked it up.

"Five rounds, insane accuracy, and a scope with an epic zoom. Couldn't have asked for a better find."

Blair holstered his two revolvers and checked the clip. It had a five round clip with only one round fired. He checked the former dead owner for ammo and found twelve cartridges. He went to the window overlooking the train station. Deathtrap was starting to loose power and would digistruct back to Gaige in a few seconds plus Tina was nowhere to be seen. Then Blair saw a guy in a weird mask, similar to the one Tina wore on the side of her head, run along the wall. Gaige was busy taking cover from the increasing bullet fire around her cover.

"Gaige look out!" Blair shouted but knew it was in vain. "Dammit!"

Blair lifted the rifle and peered through the scope, trying to get a lock on the sprinting bandit. His target was about 10 seconds before he was right above Gaige. The bandit then jumped off the ledge right at the unsuspecting Gaige. Even over the gunfire he heard its psychotic scream. He knocked the girl down and unconscious before raising a medical saw tool into the air. Blair barely got the crosshairs on the bandit's head before pulling the trigger in just barely a millisecond. The psycho's, Blair was going to start calling those guys that, head blew off. He ran out of the small tower room when he saw Deathtrap was nowhere to be seen. He didn't bother to take the ladder but instead he just jumped off the wall, seeing that he lost about ¾ of his shield from the fall. When he got to the girl, he pulled her next to the crates.

"Where the hell is Tina?" Blair thought angrily. He heard a chain reaction of explosions before she jumped over the crate scaring him. "Tina where were you? Gaige nearly got killed."

"That's how it goes in this business boy. You kill bandits you might die." Tina replied. "Oh yeah: I'm out of mines. I have grenades still but no mines. I'll get her up."

Tina sat on Gaige's chest and then slapped her across the face as Blair stood up to shoot at a psycho charging. He took its head off with a single shot and quickly crouched down.

Her eyes shot open as she pushed Tina off, "What the hell?"

The little girl scrambled back up to the crates, "I wake you up to save you from dieing and getting him killed and you call me rude? Talk about a contradiction."

"You slapped me!" Gaige exclaimed rubbing her face."

Blair took the clip out and emptied the shells out of it before putting a new clip into the rifle, "We kind of needed it. It's better than being waken up by a bullet or a surgical tool some of these psychos are wielding."

He digistructed the rifle out and took out the two revolvers. "Think of something we can do. We need to get them into a position they can't fight out of." He then stood up and emptied twelve rounds around the compound, killing six with the help of explosive barrels.

He reloaded as Gaige asked, "Can't you use your Hacker-Jacker to disorient them?"

"Hold that thought." Blair said.

He digistructed the assault rifle out and unloaded at two psychos leaving in his current clip 25 rounds.

"Okay I can but that would lead that we need some tactical advantage." He turned and fired the rest of his rounds blindly. "We need to kill as much of them as possible in the 15 seconds we get. We need to get DT in a tactical place, you and me in a tactical place, and Tina in a tactical place."

He reloaded the rifle and his revolvers as Gaige pointed to where he had come from, "Why not up there? Its gonna provide a more 'tactical' advantage as you keep putting it."

"Pfft. You all can go play hide and shoot but if you give me your grenades I can provide the distraction needed for you all too…get the hell out of here! Buzzards!" Tina cried as she saw three helicopter like vehicles flying towards them.

"Tora! Tora! Tora!" one of them shouted.

"Up the ladder both of you!" Blair shouted taking aim from a crouching position.

"Fear the skies!" the three buzzards shouted, opening fire with a volley of machine gun fire.

Tina and Gaige ignored what Blair said. Gaige open fired along with Blair and Tina pressed a button on a grenade and chucked it at the incoming attackers. Bullets blasted their shields but with Tina's grenade going off prematurely like she planned it to the attacks from Gaige and Blair took the buzzards down although leaving the three of them with hardly any shield.

"Up the ladder now!" Blair ordered.

The three managed to barely dodge the crashing Buzzards as they ran to the ladder. Tina and Gaige were up the ladder when they heard a British accent.

"Who is with you Tina doll? Did you need to get help trying to steal my tea again? I have three friends who will want to say hi."

Blair switched to his revolvers as he heard three voices say, "These puny people will be easy. No one help us because The Bruiser Brothers will take them down!"

Three badass bruisers stomped though a large entrance as Tina explained, "I've got a plan girly guy. When I say so, activate your crackerjack device."

"That's Hacker-Jacker Tina and fine. I hope it doesn't get me killed."

Gunshots ricocheted, taking out the last of Blair's shield causing him to run behind a crate. Gaige ducked down behind a battlement as bullets were shot in their direction. A little whirring sound came from Gaige's arm to signal Deathtrap was ready.

"Activate the brain juicer and get me some juice!" the little girl shouted.

Tina jumped off the wall and flipped off the three bruisers, which pissed them off and caused them to run at her. Blair waited till the three monsters were right on top of them before pressing the button on his Hacker-Jacker.

A high ringing was heard causing everyone in the area to scream in agony except Blair, Gaige, and Tina. The three bruisers tripped to the ground and Blair jumped onto the biggest one's back. He ripped the helmet off and unloaded one of his revolvers into the unprotected head, leaving it in a bloody mess. He did the same as Tina took a bouncing betty and shoved it under the mask of the other. Blair rolled out of the way and Tina jumped away as the grenade exploded.

Everyone was speechless as the sonic sound stopped and the British voice shouted, "Kill those bastards if you blokes can even hear me!"

"Get up here now twinkle toes!" Gaige shouted as Tina was crouching next to her.

Blair complied taking account of his ammo. He had about two or less clips for the sniper rifle, six hundred rounds for his assault rifle, and thirty-six bullets for his revolvers. An explosion sounded near his feet that only caused him to practically jump up the ladder.

"Gaige we might need DT out here." Blair said taking out the sniper rifle.

Gaige popped her neck as a rocket flew over her head, "If I could just hit something I feel like I could be helpful before summoning out DT. I've been known to fly off the handle occasionally."

Blair drew just his blue revolver, digistructed the sniper rifle out, then slid it to Gaige, "Be a good girl and hit something. Make sure when you 'fly off the handle' you keep careful."

Gaige nodded.

Blair added, "I don't think I need to explain much in weapons handling to you even with this do I?"

"Nope Captain I think I got it." Gaige replied jokingly.

"You chump heads start shooting then!" Tina shouted as a bullet grazed the concrete wall over her head.

Blair took out his rifle, "I'll give you an opening then show me what you got. A young girl who flies off the handle either PMS' really bad or has dementia."

"Funny." Gaige replied.

He then stood up and fired while strafing to the room. He didn't hit anyone except a few lucky shots but he mostly ducked as rockets flew by his head.

**Outside Tina's cave**

"Dammit!" Roland exclaimed, "She's not here."

"Gee Roland, who could have seen this coming." Lilith remarked smirking.

Brick asked Mordecai, "What're you and poem spewer hearing?"

Mordecai pointed and replied simply, "Gunfire at Ripoff."

"Lets move people lets go!" Roland ordered.

**In Ripoff**

"Start shooting honeybunch. Get your flame on!" Tina ordered.

"Here we go." Gaige said taking a breath.

The red head stood up turned and was on one knee as she used the wall to steady the rifle. All the bandits were to busy with Blair, who decided it be better to take the battle from the ground up.

"I can see the hair on some of these guy's face from here. Great scope." Gaige thought.

"Take the shot!" Tina shouted in her ear.

Gaige fell over from surprise but not before pulling the trigger accidentally. The bullet didn't hit anything but an electrical barrel. As it exploded in a shocking blue blast, Gaige felt a little jump in her stomach as she set up another shot. She noticed Blair moving closer and closer while taking cover amongst the crates. He seemed to have stopped shooting and looked like he was messing with his Hacker-Jacker on his wrist. He looked up and gave a sort of wave before pressing a button on the device. Bandits started to drop their weapons and grasp their heads as the Mechromancer took another shot. A bullet connected with a raider's head and a similar feeling came back to her stomach. She took another without even aiming and hit a corrosive barrel catching a small group of psychos in an acid bath.

"Anarchy bitch." Gaige mumbled.

She had two bullets left in the magazine and shot them both into a bruiser. She reloaded the rifle as Tina laughed.

"What's wrong with them?" she asked, "Its like they're listening to Brick sing!"

Gaige emptied the clip into the same bruiser again but this time only two seemed to hit while the others went wild and hit a psycho.

"Accuracy's overrated anyway. I'm feeling awesomer by the minute."

Gaige was out of ammo for the sniper rifle. She drew out the shock SMG she and jumped over the wall.

As she landed she started running forward before digistructing out her science project. She jumped right on the robot's back and the two started moving towards the wall where the bandits were. Blair was up to the side of the robot as he took careful shots at the recuperating bandits.

"You mother humpers ain't forgetting about me!" Tina shouted scurrying towards them.

Deathtrap's beam attack was causing bandits to duck and cover while others got incinerated.

"Gaige can you get us up there?" Blair asked shooting a rocket out of the air.

"DT, throw us up there. Anarchy for one and Anarchy for all!" Gaige replied emptying her whole clip before reloading another.

Without warning the robot grabbed Blair with its one arm and threw him towards the bandits, "God dammit Gaige!"

"Ohh, I think you were to direct there DT."

"YES! Me next, me next! I love getting thrown around by robots, this'll be my first time, BUT still."

Three raiders cushioned Blair's fall as he unleashed barrage of bullets from his rifle. He ended up knocking the three out as a psycho ran at him.

"THIS…IS…TINAAAAAAAA!"

The bandit was suddenly knocked down by a splash from a certain little psychotic girl. The bandits were stunned at the quick event which they were taken advantage of by the Mechromancer and her project floating over the wall.

"Lets finish this thing!" Gaige shouted.

**At the entrance of Ripoff**

The eight vault hunters ran into a compound just as a girl with orange hair on a one-armed robot floated over the wall to a center of gunfire.

"Mordecai on this wall! Everyone else get over there." Roland ordered.

**Back to the three**

Tina and Blair threw a total of four bouncing betties to give them breathing room but the three got separated. Gaige and Blair got themselves in an entrance to a corridor and Tina was behind a crate. Blair was blind firing with his rifle after he was left with twelve bullets in his revolver.

"We got you surrounded!" Tina shouted.

A bandit murderer just laughed, "You and these two? I doubt it!"

Tina stood up on the crate and aimed her fingers like a pistol, "Bang."

The bandit's head exploded shocking everyone in the vicinity. Then a big barreling form appeared out of nowhere, laughing and swinging his fist.

"Brickey! You all made it!"

Two smaller but built figures came running and threw out two small boxes that transformed into large auto turrets. A person who looked like a robot, a red haired woman with tattoos, and a blue haired woman with similar tattoos were right next to the two turret throwers.

"Just because I have shorter legs doesn't mean you can't leave me behind!" a blue haired man shouted, wielding two assault rifles.

"Who the hell are these people?" Blair asked Gaige.

They saw the robot like person run towards them with a blue sword drawn as if to attack them. Blair stood in front of the girl and readied a well-timed kick that went right through the attacker's face. Suddenly Gaige gasped in surprise when the two allies had a digistructed sword at both their throats.

"Over here you fools / That was but an illusion / I am your true foe."

"Someone help me…please?"

Tina looked to the three, "Hey four fingered Frankie! Don't gruesomely decapitate my mechro ho and girly guy friend! I haven't gotten her plans for that big blows em' up robot yet!"

"I shall let you go/ Tiny Tina trusts you two/ You are lucky ones."

The poem-speaking assassin ran to the others without another word. Tina just giggled, "Zer0 loves a challenge. Once you get through all the poems he constantly speaks, he's a really neat guy. These guys can finish this up I guess but…you all have to do one thing."

"What's that?" Gaige asked favoring her neck.

Bullets ricocheted off of shields starting off slow but soon turned to a rapid shooting that depleted both shields.

"You have to defeat Tallyho huggabutts."

The two turned around to a man only smaller than Brick wielding two assault rifles, each with three rotating barrels, and a big shield on his back.

"Goddammit! I can't steal a corporation's weapon without having some vault hunting pricks trying to steal it. I'm gonna murder you by ripping off your heads off, boil you, then make tea out of your brains, and drink it with some fish and chips."

"Can I have some?" Tina asked.

"NOOOOOOOO!" Tallyho shouted as he fired at the three.

Everyone scrambled behind the wall with Blair almost catching a bullet in his calf.

By the time Blair and Gaige reloaded their weapons, the bandit leader was stalking towards the entrance with a big shield in one hand. The medic turned to fire but was met with a bullet grazing his hair.

"What's going on?" Gaige asked.

"He's got a damn shield now!"

"Didn't he have one before?"

"NO! He has a SHIELD. An actual shield! With three steroid induced midgets on them!"

Gaige peeked around and saw the Brit had a makeshift tower shield with three bulky midgets with buckets on their heads, yelling, cursing, and shooting repeater handguns.

Tina appeared next to Blair and explained as the giant man stalked towards them, "Those goliath midgets block a weak point in the shield that is basically a hole that allows you to shoot him in the face. Since you like a more 'tactical' approach," the girl said mockingly, "I could get Mordecai to snipe those midgets and my blue gal Maya to lift fatso in the air."

"Or," Blair said blind firing with his rifle, "I can do this."

Blair pressed a button on his Hacker-Jacker device. The usual high-pitched ringing emitted causing all the vault hunters, Mordecai's bird, the three midgets, and Tallyho the Terminator to grasp their heads in agony. Blair pulled out a combat knife that measured out to be a foot and a half from its sheath on his waist (which was covered by his jacket) and ran to the giant bandit leader. He easily yanked the shield and dropped it to the ground and Gaige ran up with a haymaker on the open torso with her robotic arm. Blair jumped on the big man's shoulders, ripped his nomad hat off, and slid the big knife across his open throat. The first slash completely dropped the shield but the soldier followed it up with another vicious slash.

"My tea. God damn assholes." Tallyho gurgled with his dieing breath.

Tina blinked before yelling, "You can't just beat a boss in two hits! That's…that's…that's OP! You break the universe doing that!"

Blair checked the dead bandit as he turned off the sonic device.

"What's she babbling about 'breaking the universe' and such?" Gaige asked as Blair cleaned his knife on the dead bandit's outfit.

Suddenly they heard a very angry sounding voice, "Who did that! I'm gonna rip your eyes out and feed them to this bird!"

Blair turned around with his knife up face a BIG man and much smaller but equally angry looking blue haired man. He looked at his blade and slowly slid it into the sheath before covering it up with his jacket.

"Whoa, whoa Brick. Take it easy and you to Salvador. Before we start ripping people's eyes out lets make sure these are the two with Tina. She hasn't killed them yet so you can't kill them yet."

Gaige and Blair looked at each other as a small crowd started forming at the small entrance. The two saw everyone but the two women with tattoos when the man stepped forward.

Tina shouted from the crate she was laying on, "They are Rolo! They made operation Pandora Tea Party a success. Now where is that British bastard's tea?" Tina ran through the group and past her two newer allies to search deeper into the compound.

Before Roland could talk again a red haired woman, Lilith, with tattoos on her arms spoke as she joined, "God dammit! Who the hell nearly blew my head off with sonic frequencies? You're supposed to give warnings before doing that kind of thing!"

"Lilith calm down I'm trying to talk here. All of us nearly had our heads explode." Roland said calmly. He turned to the two, "My name is Roland, leader of the Crimson Raiders. You must be Blair and Gaige."

The two walked forward and shook the leader's hand.

"Correct. I'm Blair and this is Gaige. I apologize for activating my Hacker-Jacker's sonic frequency. If your DNA isn't in its data banks your gonna get a headache. Tina hasn't suffered in because I made sure to get her read before we started the attack."

"Interesting device. Could be useful against Jack. Now Gaige what was that giant robot? I would guess its probably yours because of your arm."

Gaige adjusted her pigtails as she answered, "Deathtrap, or as I call him DT, is my science fair project. He kinda…sorta…well he exploded one of my classmates. I built him as a security robot who would crack down on bullying by beating the crap out of the bullies when they were spotted and he kind of did that to well. Marcy's dad bought off the judges when her idea, which was a failed copy she tried to steal from me, completely failed. She started bragging then a shove happened and next thing I knew she was all over the place and not in the whore sort of way."

"So you're the fugitive that every big gun company has put a hit on. I thought I was thinking things up in one of my hangovers. You are a screwed little girl."

Gaige's head dropped, "Man that's worse than I thought."

"Lets get that object/ What else did we come here for/ To twiddle our thumbs?" Zer0 asked in haiku.

"I guess Zer0 is correct. We need to find that Hyperion device and get out of here." Roland Axton said.

"Correct. We'll talk on the way." Blair added.

It took them about 15 minutes to search the compound before they found the Hyperion targeting device. It was a rather small device. It was about three feet wide, four feet tall, had a full 360 degree turning satallite dish that had a foot wide radius, a keyboard, and a monitor. As Gaige was looking over the technology, Blair said, "Couldn't tell you anything about it but it has a smooth paintjob."

"This small thing is capable of listening in on long distance conversations?" Brick asked.

"Don't forget the fact it can apparently target long range missile strikes. A lot easier than having to drop those beacons and its a lot more versatile if the enemy is dug in. I'm sure if Jack was subtle about killing people he could use this small design with devastating effect."

"Ahem!"

Everyone looked to Gaige.

"This thing is a definition of a tactical strike device. You see these spots all around its body? It can be attached to near anything and its small size for a sophisticated targeting device. This thing also is a self targeting device as well. Another one of these devices or really strong signal could target this and allow it to self destruct its power core."

"You haven't even turned it on. How do you know this?" Maya asked.

Gaige replied simply, "I opened the small door that shows the battery. Trust me: it can launch a pretty big boom when activated to do so."

Just then everyone heard a voice, a really familiar voice, over an intercome, "Well now I would say I could kill multiple little asses with a few mortars but you see I really need that machine you found back so I can use it to kill more bad guys."

"Sounds like a dropship. Seems Handsome Jackass wants this thing." Blair said.

"Can someone help me with this crate?" Tina asked as everyone turned to a grating noise.

The little girl was pushing a crate across the ground.

"Tina we're going to need to forget about tea because we have Jack to deal with."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can hear. Why don't we call some reinforcements?" I'm sure you could get a group of raiders to get a vehicle or two and to charge in to give us cover…oh I know lets use that freakishly OP device of girly guy's! Just as long as he doesn't break the universe with it."

Blair facepalmed, "Is she trying to break a fourth wall or something?"

"With Tina you never know." Mordecai answered as Tina continued moving the crate.


	5. Chapter 5 Handsome Jackass

Handsome Jackass

The larger group had moved back to the battlement where they could see the whole courtyard. They did see a dropship with the Hyperion logo dropping down soldiers, snipers, and people in a type of combat loader.

"Well at least he didn't launch down loaders." Tina said.

"I heard that orphan." Jack replied.

As Hyperion loaders were shot down and activating from the satellite, Gaige could have sworn she saw steam rise from the little girls head.

She jumped on wall and shouted, "You want to bring the name game out bullymong balls? Well fine! I've still got one more person to exact my revenge on for killing my parents and that is you, you slag sucking son of a mother humping bitch!"

Bullets ricocheted off her shield, causing her to fall on her butt. Roland helped her back up and she was angry.

"Now my butt hurts! Everyone give me your grenades!"

"What-…"

"GIVE ME YOUR GRENADES! This means more war than what war was already happening!" the girl shouted.

Nobody, not even Brick or Salvador denied her. She stuffed all of them into her bag and ran off to the side quickly. Bullets rocked on everyone's shields and they took cover.

"Good thing medic man got us scanned so our heads wouldn't blow up this time." Axton said shooting towards a group of loaders.

"My device will affect the soldiers but it won't do jack against those mechs. Is it hilarious that I can't remember their weak points even though I hacked Hyperion and got their schematics?" Blair commented.

Roland was about to say something but Gaige interrupted, "I've seen these tin cans before. Aim for that central eye of theirs or hit them with acid and they're toast.

Axton and Roland looked at the girl wondering how she knew how to kill a loader where she followed up saying, "Rich imbeciles and pricks at my school had body guards."

"Lets quit the chatter." Lilith remarked, "Tina will want cover."

The only ones with caustic weaponry were Lilith, Maya, and Mordecai. Everyone else had slag, shock, explosive, or fire. Blair was just glad that they had found an Ammo Dump vending machine before this all went down.

**Tina's P.O.V**

"The masked mungo is really pouring down the loaders. Lets see if I can even the odds."

Tina's pack was loaded with everyone's grenades. She had MIRV's, bouncing betties, and those fancy shmancy grenades that pulled things towards it before they exploded. She pulled out a fire MIRV and lobbed it from behind her cover.

"Grenade!" someone shouted.

The grenade blew up and then 7 child grenades blew up in a fiery explosion. The little girl inhaled, "Aww yeaaahhh. I love the smell of napalm in the afternoon.

She pulled out two caustic bouncing betties and jumped onto the crate before shouting, "CORRODE ALL THE BABIES!"

She threw two more and as soon as they exploded showering loaders and soldiers in acid she rushed towards a W4R-Loader. She swung onto its back and quickly tore a panel off then pulled two wires out that disabled the ally reader. She jumped off but was caught by the collar of her blouse by a sniper who had phased out of nowhere.

"Where did you mother humping come from jackhole? Let the lady of Blowupyourfaceim go!"

She was answered by his head getting slashed open in a bloody mess by Bloodwing. Tina waved to the bird not bothering to wipe the blood from her face.

**Up on the battlements**

"That was new." Brick remarked about the soldier.

"He must have come from the dropship. Look now its phasing more soldiers in! Someone needs to take it out." Roland exclaimed.

The giant of a man and the man who wasn't a midget but was shorter than the average person took out rocket launchers (or in Salvador's case two rocket launchers) and replied simultaneously, "On it!"

"Uh Roland?" Lilith asked.

"What?"

"Moxxi's on the ECHO net."

"Moxxi we're busy! Get the hell off!" Mordecai shouted annoyed.

Blair and Gaige kept shooting but they heard a woman's voice on their ECHO devices, "Ignoring you Mordecai dear but anyways Roland me, my Scootykins, and Sir Hammerlock are here as a little back up."

"Why the hell didn't you bring any of the Raiders?!" Roland asked exasperated.

"The Raiders had to guard Sanctuary. Why do you not want our help?" Moxxi laughed.

The leader of the Raiders facepalmed.

Gaige stopped from her increasingly terrible shooting to reload and shout, "Move closer, I can't hit ya!"

Her ally responded, "Yeah but what the hell is going on with your shooting?"

Maya asked, "Why are you here Moxxi?"

The sultry voice responded, "I heard on a bugged Hyperion radio transmission that Sanctuary dick heads were at Ripoff trying to steal an important device. Figured it would piss off my ex if I helped to get it. Hammerlock being the gentleman he is came along as help and my Scooter didn't want me to die. Plus it's the added fact that I heard them say there was some new tail here and I wanted to meet them cause they have some high marks on their heads by Hyperion."

"Look Gaige we're famous already…Gaige?" Blair asked.

She didn't seem to hear him and he noticed a look in her eye.

**In a bandit technical**

"So do we know what we're going to be doing when we get to Ripoff?" a redneck voice asked.

"That would be a no on my part Scooter but go faster, tallyho! Only Moxxi knows the plan." Hammerlock's gentlemanly voice responded.

A woman in the turret seat with a top hat in her lap smiled to herself, "Its been a while since I've seen some action since the Underdome, let alone participated in it. This is going to be fun."

**Tina's position**

Tina had managed to take out the beacons that were the landing points for the loaders but she got surround by four EXP-Loaders and four snipers with one of them holding her by her hair. There were enough people able to keep her friends busy.

"Get her bound. Jack wanted her for slag experimentation."

The one behind her quickly bound her wrists where she commented, "Aw you're a horny one. We have to go outs on a date first."

She was shoved forward.

**Battlements**

"Dammit Tina's caught!" Mordecai shouted trying to get a shot.

Blair and Gaige looked at each other and they nodded.

"This girl can't hit squat. I have to bring the anarchy to em' now."

"She gave me crumpets and for some reason feels like a cousin to me."

The two then vaulted over the walls with Gaige summoning out Deathtrap where Gaige landed on his shoulder and Blair by its side.

"What the hell?" Roland said.

"They got the right idea though." Lilith remarked jumping over the side.

"Well that they do." Roland agreed.

The Vault Hunters jumped over the side except Salvador and Brick who were occupied. Gaige, DT, and Blair were already meeting the attackers.

"ANARCHYYYYYYY!" Gaige shouted as wild shots from her SMG completely ripped through two loader's and two soldiers without an issue.

"What the hell is up with your gun…and you for that matter?"

"Who cares just hit the Jacker-Offer because I am reloading and not hitting crap!" Gaige laughed.

A high pitched noise emitted and dropped all human enemies. The one holding Tina clutched his head and then his crotch as Tina dropped to the ground and mule kicked him. She kipped up and laughed, "Ahahahaha! That's from the Tina tribe!"

The EXP-Loaders were about to explode but Deathtrap ran through them lightning fast with his claws and lasers.

The dropship's pilot accidentally steered the ship in a different direction exposing a dripping fuel tank that was exposed when a loader shot it. Brick and Salvador took the shot and blew the ship into pieces.

"Oh for pete sakes! Just shoot the goddamn loaders down there. I don't care where they freaking land now!" Jack shouted over the ECHO net. "What do you mean they can't because they're dying from lack of oxygen? Shoot the damn loaders down there! God dammit, this isn't over bandits!"

The stream of loaders stopped and were finished off quickly. Blair cut Tina loose and everyone waited. "Dying from lack of oxygen? Could they have had a malfunction?" Axton asked.

"Not sure. That really doesn't sound anything like what would happen." Roland replied.

A vehicle was heard screeching to a stop and a voice shouted, "Tallyho you Hyprion douches! We are here to kick the phanny!"

Three people appeared at the entrance. One looked like a robotic mechanic with a tmp, another was in a hunters outfit holding a sniper rifle in one of his hands that was robotic, and the other was a woman with make up on her face, a top hat and almost no pants with a pistol in her hands.

"Blair," Roland asked, "You, Gaige, and Brick go get that machine. We'll use that technical that Moxxi brought to transport it to Sanctuary. Then we'll give you a more friendlier Pandora welcome."

"Quick question: where did you two get those ECHO devices? Did you get them off of a dead body like the other vault hunters?"

Blair shook his head as he was walking by Lilith, "No me and Gaige got them from a green claptrap."

Roland was confused, "That doesn't make any sense. Jack dismantled all claptrap units. The only one left is the one that helped Zer0, Salvador, Maya, and Axton."

"Well we can stop by and get it when we go. There is a small outpost that we can stop by. Its called Iceberg." Blair responded.

"Someone help me get this tea dammit!" everyone heard Tina shout from in the compound.

**The End….should I end it here. I think I might cause I procrastinated to long. If this doesn't seem appropriate then I'll try. If Not I'll input something in the description.**


End file.
